I often hear the phrase “I’m stressed”. If I hear the phrase so often, so must others, so think of the number of people espousing it and believing that they are stressed!
The thought of that stresses you? Ha!
Stress if of many types, but what really is stress? I think we should ponder on ‘stress’ itself for a while.
Stress is nothing but the difference between expectation & reality. Yes, it does sound like an equation, but that’s what it is. The way this equation plays up in day to day life gives rise to different manifestations of this scary and dreaded thing called stress.
The most common manifestation of stress, at least for young adults, arises from 2 things, from what I’ve gathered and heard.
- Work, the lack of it or too much of it! Depends on where the individual is placed in the value chain! Ha!
- Relationships, whether it’s to dump someone or the fear of getting dumped! Or wanting to be in one without knowing why, scary Aey?
Our parents have different types of stress.
My friend’s mother gets stressed when she thinks about her son’s “financial survival and success” if the son were to branch out on his own. It may sound weird, but this thought really stresses her out, maybe she expected him to be cruising in his profession/ career or on the other hand thought she’d be able to inculcate great business acumen in to him or set up a huge business empire for him and always remain in control herself to ensure it runs smoothly.
When neither of these scenarios seems to be meeting her earlier imagined expectations, she is getting stressed and in a big way. It may be said that it’s legitimate for her to be stressed for her son’s future well being and security. What she needs to understand is that she can’t always provide for him but what she can do is take stock of their expectations right now. I’m not for one moment suggesting they prune their expectations. What I am talking of is reality and trying to bridge the gap between expectation & reality, in the present context, only then can they try and increase ways of elevating expectations again after figuring out “now” and the way to “there”.
Ok back to the stress of the young.
Profession or should I say work is a major factor for stress. To be specific it’s the boss, client or for some – the “management”.
Some people take up jobs only to realize they are not equipped with the skills to deliver, or find it difficult for different reasons such as, motivation, guidance, clear instruction , un realistic time lines or lack of training to deliver and match employer / boss’s expectations. However the worrying factor is that they themselves believe that they have to deliver and their inability to deliver gives rise to insecurity and great stress.
From small things like having a report ready by Monday, people have to sacrifice family time, for which they get all round flack, to not being able to meet GF / BF [spend time with spouse] over the weekend, which depresses them because either one of them starts to wonder and feel insecure, just compounds the stress and multiplies it for other J this is the ordinary everyday stress. But its still stress, because these small things put people off in a big way and it affects the way they think, their mood, and attitude which in turn dictates their behavior. So, now these small things seem serious????
I use to have a team of 3 strategic planners and the toughest part of managing 3 people, apart from being in the same age group, was to keep them motivated and happy / positive. I’ll explain why.
When my team was bugged with problems it would always play on their mind which would reflect in their work, irrespective of whether they would bring in their personal problem to work or be de-motivated because of the actual “work” itself.
At times I saw them stressed because they thought they won’t be able to deliver what was expected of them. This is when I would begin to ask them what they expected of themselves? Suddenly they would see the difference and feel lighter. I would ask them why they found strategic planning difficult or a pain that they thought they won’t be able to meet expectations of and they all realized there are other things which they could do, which they would enjoy without having apprehensions of delivery. The other thing they realized and confessed was that they were not really enjoying what they were doing. I had to have more chats with them and motivate them a lil and tell them that because this may not be their calling, doesn’t mean there is nothing for them.
By the end of it all the 3 planners in my team quit and went on to pursue things they really wanted to, and are doing well. Hopefully they have one less stress in life.
I just hate it when people get stressed because of issues of work that they stop living life. Everyone should get out of office by 5.30!!!! Life is better lived together.
Another type of professional stress comes when after completing Ivy League degrees your career doesn’t really take off. Here the ego sets in as people will not settle for anything less, only because they’re from Ivy League. More stress, for graduating from Ivy League this time. Some people are actually too good! Ha !
Na. I know people in this situation and it’s painful, I just tell them that reality is that your worth what someone is willing to pay you RIGHT NOW, not what you thought / expected you would get while enrolling for Ivy League! Swallow your ego, get working, and bridge the gap.
I won’t get in to details of the stress cause by relationships. If people can’t figure out what they like or dislike in someone, yet persist in hanging on to each other then god help them. If someone feels insecure that means their partner can’t make them feel secure or something is wrong with them, either way stress is what amplifies dissonance and increases problems.
People just need to accept reality, live with it and gte out of the mindset – “ I will only do things I enjoy” and move to “ I will start to enjoy the things I HAVE to do” , otherwise you will have more occasions to find faults with and increased dissonance.
I can say so by personal experience. While graduating from high school I started to resolve all the things that could possible stress me out and then came to things that I had to do in life but didn’t quite look forward to. I realized they had to be done and started looking forward to them and suddenly I began to feel lighter in the head.
Now people think I’m thick skin because I stay calm when we’re faced with lumps of shit, when the truth is the world won’t come to an end if we don’t attend a meeting or stick to a time line. What I have realized is that it’s not worth fretting over or giving up MY TIME. When I have to work late it doesn’t piss me off a wee bit, because I tell myself it’s something that’s imperative otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it, which makes me wanna do a great job.
What I would say is that have realistic expectations, which is different from ambition. Always pause take stalk to see whether you’re on route to your destination, if not you know what do. Do Not Fret!
This post is dedicated to someone who will increasingly need to resolve lots of tensions regarding expectations of self and employer, discipline and faculty of art and most importantly what they’re inner calling is and how to get there without losing heart or imagination . Till then, relax.
